It's Getting Dark in Here

and the days are slipping one into the next into the next into the liminal space where time has no significant meaning. I barely remember them, these short periods of lucidity, of consciousness. Brief glimpses of a reality in which I no longer recall ever belonging. They're boring, exhausting, these glances into the outside of my head; I'd rather simply shut them off for the silence of the void. 

Time passes differently here. One minute becomes one hour becomes three. It's tomorrow. It's next week. I don't know what day it is in your world; in mine it's all the same. 

Sometimes I reach, with the little energy I have, and I attempt to drag myself up from the pit of darkness while it's crookedly knuckled fingers clutch at my edges, it's veins struggling to break through it's translucent skin. I can feel it's scalpel-like talons digging into my cognizance, springing pinpoints of light into my being, and I reach and I claw and I pull myself up by sheer will alone. Into the light. 

I stand. I bathe. I smile. I speak. I function. 

But just barely. 

Before the darkness creeps in, nibbling at the edges of the luster with sharp, hateful little teeth, to remind me of the solace in the void. The indifference. Peace. 

I flip the switches on and I throw open the blinds, I light candles and I grab a flashlight. I stand firm that this time will be different. I ignore the soothing hum of silence that attempts to lull me into compliance and cover my ears with my palms as it escalates into a banshee's wail. 

The sun sets and my batteries die, I open the doors in desperation for the moon's radiance and the wind from outside extinguishes my candles. The electricity flickers. The light bulb explodes to the sound of the wail. Tendrils of shadow creep along my walls and contour the corners of my vision before wholly draping everything in gloom. 

The void offers reprieve as it's scream submits into an expectant silence and I close my eyes against it's waiting, knowing it's waiting for me to choose peace. Indifference.

And I do.