Reevaluating My "Cancel Culture" Beliefs

What is this shit?

So my coworker slash friend (maybe not after this post) person is making me watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians to write this blog. I asked for suggestions on a topic (I suggested Lizzy Borden) and this is the disaster she gave me.

First of all, these identical cookie cutter women are sitting at the table, pretending to eat the food they will soon purge, looking, well honestly.. disheveled. What?

Serious question. Can people go to a plastic surgeon and say “give me the Kardashian look?” because every single person on this show has gotten it.

I’d want my money back.

One of them looks fat in her sweatshirt. Is that Kim? I don’t know. They’re identical. They’re hereby ALL Kim to me.

We’re going to Finland! Or are we just talking about it? I can’t tell, the conversation is so fucking vapid.

Whoever this guy is, cannot be Kardashian quality. Gross.

Khloe’s Rental House is where we are now. Someone deserves the “BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!”

send help

please

Khloe is having a flashback to getting drunk and telling someone to “put a mask on you *intelligible* bitch” then pushing her in the bathroom. Every other word is bleeped out of this episode. We’re not appropriate for TV ladies. You’re piss poor role models, nobody should aspire to keep up with you.

Side note: Mom Kardashian’s eyes are too far apart, very alien. I bet there’s plastic surgery for that.

Are you people aware these episodes are like an ungodly 40some minutes long?! I’ve never been so excited for commercials.

One Kim is talking about being worried about another person’s feelings, which segued into how she tripped going down stairs and was so embarrassed. But more importantly, somebody has to use their OWN MONEY for their lip kits. The inhumanity.

We’re on a plane now. Spoiler: I wouldn’t cry if it crashed, at least this show would be worth watching.

Ugly dude is “so much more sophisticated when Kourtney is around and like a five year old when it’s just us”. That’s because boys are stupid, honey, whoever you are.

Yes! A commercial for the Yellowjackets TV series. This looks good. Something worthwhile came out of this torture.

A Kardashian friend is getting into a fight in a club now. Screaming and “pouting about nothing” according to one of the Kim clones. Back to the hotel.  I think they’re in a hotel? Are we in Finland? Sorry, readers, I have literally zero idea. At least the kids are cute, but honestly I’m finding it difficult to believe they are the spawn of these people.

Now there’s an elf? And Kim is “super excited” and I can tell she’s being honest by her super flat affect.

And someone’s makeup isn’t blended in the hot tub!

I have to ask, do people actually watch this? I spent 40 minutes of my life and I genuinely have no idea what happened in this episode. So I pulled up Celeb Dirty Laundry to see if maybe I missed something profound that I should share. I couldn’t even read this episode because it was so obnoxiously boring. I don’t even have the interest to make fun of it. It would take the kind of energy that I can’t afford to expend right now because I might need it for important things like sleeping.

Per the E! synopsis, “Scott feels pressure to make sure both Kourtney and his girlfriend Sofia are happy on a family trip to Finland.”

Season 17: Episode 4: Three’s Company

I want to sincerely apologize to my readers that I don’t have yet but I will someday. I also want to add I probably gained 10lbs from the amount of chips and hummus I ate so that the crunching in my head drowned out their grating voices.

I hate you so hard right now, Rum and Choke.

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